Simplicity

Last night, Miss Mie had a nightmare and ended up in my bed.  She had to nudge our dog, Kaylee out of the way.  Kaylee has decided, since the passing of my cat, Nala, that Kaylee is the Princess in this house and deserves to cuddle in bed with me.

So, when Miss Mie curled up in bed beside me, Kaylee quickly resumed HER spot, curled up in front of Miss Mie, with Miss Mie's arm wrapped around her. 

It was the most beautiful sight, seeing my child and one of our family pets curled together, sleeping.  It was one of those moments where I wish I could hook a printer up to my eyes and print out the gorgeous picture of the two of them!

I may not like that my child was disturbed by a nightmare, but I will appreciate that the nightmare sent my independent daughter into my room for comfort.  It was also thanks to the nightmare that I got to experience this simple, beautiful moment.

52 Weeks of Gratitude - Saying Good-bye

When I was pregnant with my second child, I joined an "expecting" group on iVillage.  There were around 70 other women with the same birth month.  We came from all parts of the US and Canada.  We had so many different backgrounds, but we bonded.  Over five years later, we are all still together.  I'm  more dependent on these ladies than on many of my IRL (in real life) friends.  We have shared our babies' births and milestones and we've shared many joys and frustrations.

Sadly, we've shared broken hearts at having to say good-bye as well.  Caroline, one of our babies from that expecting group, was a beautiful little girl.  She was taken from us in 2012, less than 2 years after her birth.  When her Mom posted in our group, I remember sobbing.  How could God take such a beautiful, sweet little girl from a family who loved her so incredibly deeply!?!  My heart still aches thinking of her loss.  I hugged both of my girls that night and didn't want to let go.  We made certain to include her in our prayers. 

Her Momma still shares photos of her on Facebook, so we can remember the beautiful little angel - my girls have grown up knowing Caroline was taken from her family way too soon and include her in prayers and discussions of Heaven.

Her Momma was blessed with more children, to include Caroline's little brother, Parker. 

Sadly, genetics doesn't care about a family already having dealt with one loss. 

Adorable, loveable Parker was born with a condition similar to his sister.  This handsome little man did hit the lottery, by having one of the most wonderful and caring families there could be - and a Mother whose heart is fierce and strong.  She shared every joy and every pain with us - and when she announced that he went to be with his sister this past weekend, my heart broke all over again.

Crying, I held my girls close, again.  We've continued our talks of Heaven and we've included him in our prayers as well.

I didn't want to include a post like this as a gratitude post, but then I realized that every part of life helps to form me and if I only post Sunshine and Rainbow posts, I'm not being true to myself or this challenge.

So, I will use this to say good-bye to you Dear, Sweet Parker.  I know you are in Heaven with your sister.  Please remember the love you felt from all of your friends and family.  Good-bye!



 

52 Weeks of Gratitude - Something I Love To Wear

I hadn't been diagnosed a full year when I accepted the challenge of taking over the creation of a local Walk MS Team.  Our team "No MS'ing 'Round" was a success!  We received a very generous amount of donations from coworkers and family.  We also had a large turn out for our team on what was a very chilly Western PA day (snowflakes joined in the day's festivities).

For those who wanted to share in the Team Spirit, I had tshirts made.  They were simple grey tshirts with "No MS'ing 'Round" on the front and that year's Walk MS design on the back. 

I LOVE these tshirts!  Yes, I say tshirts!  The printer somehow duplicated the order and even after selling additional tshirts and donating all of the money from them, I still ended up with 10 tshirts in my drawer.

These tshirts are comfy.  COMFY.  I would live in them if I could.  Sadly, my girls are starting to notice clothing choices and I've heard "MOOOOM, you wore that shirt YESTERDAY!" 
"No, I wore the one that is in the dirty laundry.  This one is clean!" I will reply.  But, that argument doesn't satisfy them and I am made to change shirts prior to going out in public.  But really, the love of the tshirts and the love of the girls are so close that it's a very hard decision.  Heck, there are days the tshirts will win - this Momma can be just as difficult and ornery as her kids.   

Beyond the pure comfyness of the shirt, I think it is also a symbol of how I have been able to fight the MonSter.  I am taking my MS and letting people know about it.  I am starting teams for the Walk MS events.  I am building a team - not only to support me on my Walk MS events, but to support me in my everyday life when I get a smidge down or simply want to vent.

When I'm feeling down, the comfort of the shirt is there . . .  the feeling of it, but also for the memories.  What a great group of friends and family I have that have stuck with me after my MS diagnosis!  This group of friends and family keeps me determined that the MonSter is not going to win!

The Dropsies

Just a few months after the official MS diagnosis, I made a lasagna.  The glass 9x13 pan was loaded with noodles, sauce, veggies, cheeses and meat.  I was so hungry for this comfort food, I didn't know how I would be able to wait until it finished baking.

Finishing up the top layer, I opened the pre-heated oven and lifted the heavy pan.

And dropped it.

Lasagna guts splattered all over the kitchen.

I stood there in shock.  The pan had landed right side up, and about half of the lasagna reained in the pan.  But the rest!  Oh my goodness!  The rest decorated the kitchen cupboards, the oven, the dishwasher, stove front and stove top.  A sea of red sauce covered the floor from the sink to the refridgeraor.

Slowly, I picked up the pan and tossed it in the oven.  I wasn't going to waste what still remained!  I wanted that lasagna, gosh darn it!

Shuttng the oven door, I looked at my hands.  WHAT had just happened?  Why had they acted like they were no longer in my control for those few seconds?  I was used to the tingling in m hands, and the weird numbness at th same time.  Still, I had never expeierenced this!  This wonky nothingness.  It was all I could think of to describe the feeling.  The feeling of my hands disappearing and coming back. 

Thankfully, I had a large dog who LOVED people food.  Hans came racing in and looked at the mess and his tail wiggling, he started in on the clean up. 

I grabbed a rag and wiped down the counters, cupboards and appliances.  By the time I finished, My Hansy had the floor clean.  I walked from the kitchen into the living room.  That is when I lost it.  I began sobbing and couldn't seem to stop.  I was SCARED!  I'd joined support groups and was so afraid of what this might mean.  Maybe it was the start of a flair?  Was this something that wold happen all of the the time?  Would I no longer be able to carry anything for fear of dropping things again?

I texted my husband and told him I'd ruined lunch and that we would need to scrub down the kitchen, even though I'd tried to clean it the best I could.

He wrote back and said that it was okay and he would make us dinner when he got home.  He let me know it would all be good.

I cried some more - out of fer and frustration.  Nothing I hate worse than not being able to control something . . . and the MonSter loves being the one in control

The lasagna ended up being a perfect, comforting meal.  The Husband finished the clean up of the lasagna guts and I was able to calm down. 

Fortunately, nothing further came from the incident.  Well, no physical issues anyway.  I do continue to have a fear of holding anything heavier or breakable. 

I still have times when I have the dropsies.  My cell phone - I seriously don't know how it has survived but it has.  I am also glad I drink mainly water as there have been incidents with that as well. 

But, all in all, I will take these little tricks the MonSter throws at me with the Dropsies game as it could be so much worse!

Walk MS 2016

Hi all!

Teams are starting to form for 2016 Walk MS events!

Sign up at the Walk MS page.  You can even sign up as a Virtual Walker!  You can join my Team - MonSter MaSh.

If you're local, you can join my team MonSter MaSh.

52 Weeks of Gratitude - Let's Get Started

The last few years have had some insane highs as well as some devastating lows.  Throughout it all, I have attempted to keep a level head and seek the positive in each situation.  Yes, this was sometimes a very, very difficult goal, but I still tried.  I will put it out there right now that I am still horribly bitter with my employment situation and how corrupt persons were rewarded with millions of dollars and all the persons at my level (the peons) were rewarded with large pay cuts and the stress of attempting to find postions and employers that were even minimally comparable to what we had.  Please, when you are hating on your employment, PLEASE remember the grass is NOT greener on the other side and that the famous saying/song "don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" is VERY true. 

But, let's get me back to today's subject . . . . 52 Weeks of Gratitude.

There are quite a few different "lists" on Pinterest regarding this.  Here is one.  Another list can be found here. 

On top of those lists, there are also tons of 52 week photo challenges, Love me challenges and Thankfulness Challenges. 

I am NOT going to stick with any of the challenges.  Instead, I'm going to pull a few from each, ones that interest me.  I've seen many posts that bloggers have stated they started the challenge and got fried.  I know that, should something not interest me, I will quit it.  So, I'm simply going to wing it and pick something each week that I feel I can write on.

And, I don't expect each week to be a Mary Sunshine "my life is so gosh darn perfect" type of response.  Sometimes, it appears the subject that appears to be the most positive is actually the one that draws out the anger, bitterness, sadness, fear, or other such low emotions.  it is my hope that, in drawing out these emotions, I can better see myself and determine the reasons for the emotions as well as how to embrace them, and come out a stronger person - - - where I can be grateful for the negatives as well as the positives.

I am giving myself the goal of posting a new entry every week on Friday.  Keeping my fingers crossed I can do this!